Since a big part of my job is providing phone support to folks you can only imagine the names I run across on a daily basis.  It occurred to me today that there are a whole list of names that we should really think twice about naming our kids.

Before the flam is on, yes, I realize many of the names on this list have long and stoic histories but we don’t live in the past.  These names can cause a great deal of hurt feelings and childhood angst.  If your going to name you kid this then why not just tattoo a “Kick Me” sign right on their forehead while your at it.  That is my opinion anyway.

Since its my opinion lets start with MY first name :

Richard – Yep.  My first name is the dreaded Richard of old English descent.

The mere utterance of this name in a high school cafeteria or a locker room can cause endless peals of laughter.  Why you ask? Well if you have to ask then you must have been living under a rock for the last 50 years.  Its not the full name, but rather the shortened version for this name that causes uncontrollable snickering.  Dick.  Yes I said DICK.  Dick is the oft shortened version of Richard that cast such a heavy shadow over my childhood.  I hated it.  We all know DICK now don’t we?

Roger – Your name might as well be the ubiquitous “F” word if you have this name.

Its not so much a problem here in the states unless your an Oxford Harvard man, but Roger is the slang term in old English for  the act of coitus.  If you have to look that last word up your a wanker.

Rod – A fine “upstanding” name

This name carries almost as bad a stigma as ye olde RICHARD. Not much of an explanation needed here, its another term used by kids and lots of adult adolescents (myself included) to refer to the male organ, and I don’t mean a whurlitzer.

Piper – Saddle your daughter with this name and that’s exactly who she will pay

Trey – How would you like to go through life with a name that implies you are a serving dish

Trey was originally intended to imply “the third” so the third child might be named this, but that meaning seems to have been lost in recent years.  All those tables behind the seats of airplanes must be named after this person.

Peg – really?  A round wooden dowel? Nuff’ said.

Faith – A name almost always associated with religious overtones

What if this child turns out to be an atheist?  What if the child was conceived during a night of drunken debauchery? What if we just paint the child blue and put a white cap on it and make it sing LA, LA, LALALA, LA, LA, LALA, LA, LA.

Chuck – Shortened form of Charles

Whats up Chuck?  Poor Charlie Brown.  To be saddled with a name that is almost always used to denote vomit makes me pretty queasy.

To cap off this post I just want to say, almost ANY name that can be used in place of a verb or adverb is in my opinion a BAD idea.  People please, think about the name long and hard before you pick it and put yourself in your poor child’s shoes when you do.  Here a quick shout out to those poor souls that missed the fun today.

Sue, Max, Mark, Bill, Tripp, Doug, Jett, Pat, Jack, Peter, Bob, Neal, Flo, Wright, Skip, Josh, Hugh, Chance, Grace, Page, Rob, Wolf, Rowan, Mike, Hope, Judge, Nick, Don, Drew, Cary, Duke, Pierce, Will, Flip, Skip, Tank, Chase, Peg, Wayne, Rip, Mary, Dustin, Jimmy, Sharon, Bea, Karen, Phil, Marshall, Trace, Rip, Holden, Tucker, Biff, Chip, Buck, Leigh, Talley, Ty