I don’t just hate bumper stickers. I despise them. Bumper Stickers Make Me Physically ill.

Do people that put them on their cars really think that a 4 inch x 12 inch piece of printed plastic is going to make me change my mind about some subject or make me think that they are better people? It literally destroys the value of a nice automobile.  I understand the need to have one’s own soapbox from which to blast opinions.  I have this blog so I guess I can’t fault them. What it does, however, is provide me with at target worth commenting on. Let’s chat about some of the less intelligent ones that I have seen.

First of all, we have the political bumper stickers. I admire the ability for someone to support a political candidate, but you must feel like a real dumbass driving around with a Gore-Lieberman bumper sticker today.

Next, we have religious bumper stickers. Some of these stickers really amaze me. I saw one yesterday that said “Pray the Rosary”. If you are Catholic, I suppose that is a good sentiment, but why does it need to be on a bumper sticker? If I am out driving and praying the rosary, then I would probably need “Jesus as my co-pilot” to avoid a terrible accident. Along those same lines, the WWJD stickers ask an interesting question. I will tell you what he would NOT be doing. He would probably not be driving around with a bumper sticker on his car that said “What would I do?”.

Moving on, you have the bumper stickers that try to teach me a lesson. Things like “Hang up and drive.” Let’s set aside the fact that it’s my right as a human being to drive and talk on the phone as long as I use a hands free device. Instead how bout I just squint or ride your ass while I concentrate on reading your bumper sticker.  That sounds pretty safe.

Then there are these general sentiment bumper stickers. I saw one that offered a very simple sentiment today. It said “F$%k you.” That was all. Classy, I must say.

The last one is the nearly ubiquitous “My child is an honor student at XYZ school.” I hate to tell you, your kid may be an honor student, but you are an idiot.

“There’s a difference between a philosophy and a bumper sticker.” -Charles M. Schulz